Home for Christmas
by twinchopsticks
Summary: Antonio hasn't been home for Christmas in three long and painful years. What makes this year any different? SpainxRomano T for language. WARNING: extremely long oneshot


**warning: long story is freaking long. **

**Pairings: spainxromano**

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><p>Snow gently fluttered down onto the world below, blanketing it in a quilt of white. That quilt protectively hugged the Earth as it if were its mother. The snowflakes that fell teased each other it seemed, flying in all directions, but taking their time to do so. It was an extremely relaxing day for snowfall. Every factor was just perfect! Not too cold, no blustering blizzards, and thankfully no ice shards decided to attack you.<p>

Instead, the sky was a soft grey color, the snow powder sifting through...Calm and quiet. Sweet and sound.

The room heater purred in the corner, its low buzzing sound drowning out the silence. A mug of unfinished hot chocolate stood cold at the bedside, the remains of whipped cream plastered to the insides. The curtains were drawn open, allowing a dim whiteness to flood the room. Centered right under the window, a bed overlooked the rest of the room

A mound of blankets and pillows collected at the top of the bed, creating a very comfortable cocoon for Lovino Vargas, who under countless layers of cloth, slept as peacefully as he could manage. He was curled up tight, his knees tucked into his chest, and his arms wrapping around himself.

Damn was it hard to breath under all that blanket, but it was worth it, especially when it seemed all the world's warmth and comfort had assembled just to serve you. However, something was missing.

Lovino muttered something in his sleep, but nothing important. Maybe a, "...Tomato bastard..." here and a, "Fuck you..." there, but nothing extreme.

The weight of all the blankets and pillows was so reassuring, simply pressing against his body...so comforting and nice...but...it just wasn't enough. The bed felt empty, cold, and lonesome. Lovino felt as though he were in a cold room, stones beneath him, with an itchy old potato sack covering him head to toe.

The bedsheets lied to him, he reasoned in his sleep, noticing he wasn't really as warm and comforted as he thought he was. He was simply-

_Buzzzz! Buzz, buzz, buzzzz!_

"What the fuck...?" Lovino's eyes slowly pried themselves open.

The buzzing continued, rattling his brain and giving his head a very unwanted migraine. Slowly but surely, the Italian man was able to escape the clutches of his bed sheets and comforters, when finally his feet sluggishly dragged him towards the door. That's where the buzzing was coming from...right?

_Buzzzzz!_

"Fuck! I'm coming!" Lovino shouted, grabbing his robe.

Irritably, he rounded the corner of his somewhat large apartment to the door. He didn't care to look through the peephole, instead he just fumbled with the lock until it clicked open. The door swung open easily. Lovino's sandy eyes and tired, unwelcoming expression came face to face with two men. They wore formal black suits, while one even had sunglasses on.

"Mister Lovino Vargas?" one of the men asked. He was taller than the other, an intimidatingly long scar stretching down his face.

"Yeah that's me. What do you want, bastards?"

Screw manners.

The men exchanged glances, before rigidly handing a piece of paper to Lovino. Staring at it, Lovino decided he might as well take it. He snatched the envelope before examining it. Hm...official seals and everything huh? The works.

Slowly tearing it open, he was greeted with a black bordered piece of parchment paper-

"...No."

Lovino didn't have to even read it. His eyes were drawn immediately to the fine brand in the corner. The oh so familiar symbol.

"No!" Lovino stared at the paper, collapsing to the ground. One of the men placed his large hand on Lovino's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry..."

"_No! No!_" Lovino continued to shout. This couldn't be happening...! It shouldn't be happening!

Tears raced down his face at an incredible speed, dripping onto the paper below. The ink began to smear, and the words he detested so much began to blur.

_Mister Lovino R. Vargas:_

_ We deeply regret to inform you that Captain Antonio Fernandez Carriedo of the Unitd States Marine Corps has been killed during one of his missions. Forever we will-_

Lovino shook as he tore up the paper, rippng it to shreds and ribbons, unable to read the rest. He was screaming by now, hysterical and scared. The pieces fluttered to the floor, and ironically enough, 'Antonio Fernandez Carriedo' stayed unharmed, mocking and taunting him.

Anger and grief completely engulfed the young man, tearing him apart from the inside out.

It was just-

"Fratello!" two menacing hands grabbed his body, shaking him awake. Lovino bolted up, tears still cascading down his face. He couldn't breath right, couldn't think right. Where was he? Who was this talking to him? The room spun round and round, and Lovino couldn't make the damn place stay still, no matter how hard he tried. All he could register was the fact he was crying, sputtering nonsense, as well as trying to keep his heart from exploding from overworking.

"An-Antonio?" Lovino managed to cry out, rubbing his eyes vigorously, "Antonio!"

"Ve! Fratello! He's not here!" the oh too familiar voice burst.

Lovino felt his brother's arms coil around him into another one of those vice-grip hugs. He didn't know what to do. He honestly didn't. The best thing to do he decided, was to toss out his pride to hug back. Lovino clung to his younger brother as an absolute pathetic mess of sobs and cries. Inevitably, Lovino found himself facing the only alternative...spilling his heart out.

"He-he died! He died!" Lovino explained the best he could in-between sobs and gasps, "And-And-Feliciano I'm so scared!"

Yep there goes the rest of his pride.

He felt his brother's hand stroke his hair gently...just like Antonio used to do when he was still there...

"Sh...it's okay, Lovi..." he comforted.

A solid 10 minutes passed, Lovino still trying to collect himself. It was hard...to accept the fact you had absolutely no contact with the one you loved. It was even harder when said loved one was risking his life for his country over seas. Anything could have happened to Antonio, Lovino bitterly knew, anything could be _happening_ too.

Where was Antonio? Where was the love of his life? Was he firing at the enemies right now? Was he in a battle, and if so offense or defense?

Maybe...he was asleep, dreaming of his tomato plants he had so unwillingly left behind. Or maybe he was dreaming of Lovino...who he definitely unwillingly left behind.

Was Antonio hurt? Was he dying or healing? Why hadn't he written Lovino the last six months! Did he not want to write him...? Had he...found...someone else...?

…

Too many variables. Too many scenarios. Too many outcomes. It was so overwhelming to think about...

Lovino took in a deep breath, and recoiled from Feliciano's gentle touch. His head low, he stared at the designs on the blankets.

"...Are..are you okay now?" Feliciano questioned, trying to look at his brother. Lovino barely moved his head to nod yes.

As it was Feliciano Vargas's nature to put in the effort to cheer another up, this circumstance was no exception.

"Today's Christmas Eve...and we're going to that party later today at Alfred's! That will sure to cheer you up! And I'll be sure to make pasta for lunch, and maybe we can build snowmen outside!"

The younger Italian spewed out elaborate ideas to cheer up his loathing brother. These ideas reaching from making gingerbread houses, to naming pigeons in the park. He slipped his notorious 've's in the sentences too, as if to keep him on track.

Now normally, Lovino would have screeched at his brother for being a stupid, ridiculous idiot who didn't know when to shut the fuck up and that all these ideas were as retarded as the smile on his face.

But no such profanities boiled out of his mouth. Instead, he just sat, listened, and neck deep in thought.

The day passed by, uneventful and with much discomfort. Lovino's mind was strictly constricted to thinking about Antonio... Questions kept pestering his thoughts like a pleauge.

Where was he at this moment in time? Does he miss home? How many people have shot at him? How many have missed...and how many have hit...? Had he been able to shoot...an enemy? So the questions continued with absolutely no answers following close behind.

Before long, 8 o'clock had snuck up, and it was time to visit Alfred's place for this huge Christmas Eve party everyone seemed to acclaim.

"Ve~ Aren't you excited! Luddy will be there and we'll probably kiss under the mistletoe! And I know Big Brother Francis will love to see you there too!"

Lovino cringed at the thought. Both thoughts actually.

"You're not kissing that fucking potato bastard!" Lovino quipped harshly, "And I'm not letting that slimy frog touch me!"

"Don't be mean to Ludwig!" the younger whined, "But think of it this way-we all get to open one present before Christmas! Isn't it exciting? !"

"Whatever. Just...hurry up...and Feli, your hair is pissing me off. Let me fix it."

The next fifteen minutes weas dedicated to fixing Feliciano's appearance. His hair was smooth and combed out (except the peculiar curl of course) and his bow-tie was constantly straightened, as it refused to stay straight. Shoes were polished and jackets were dusted.

Finally, Lovino was satisfied with the look. Feliciano was now happy in a dark blue jacket, a dark olive green button up, and slacks. Don't forget that annoyingly crooked bow-tie.

Lovino wore a dark maroon button up shirt, a black tie hanging from his neck, with a black jacket with small stripes completing the Italian look. His pants were black as well. For a final touch, Lovino placed a pin onto his jacket. The pin was shiny and polished, and he made sure it wasn't covered by anything...

"Ve...isn't that...?"

"Yes, it's the Marine Corps symbol," Lovino confirmed. Lovino prided in his little pin. The eagle proudly roosting atop the world, and an anchor and chain protectively pierced through the middle.

Each time he went to any special occasion, he wore his prized possession. Feliciano smiled at it, happy that Lovino had some sort of way to honor Antonio to the public.

"Well...are you ready?" Lovino urged lamely.

Feliciano skipped to their car, and a quick twenty minutes later, they arrived at Alfred's giant house. Alfred just happened to be the son of one of the most wealthiest CEO's in the American business world. He also owned many businesses that were booming successes. So as predicted, any party hosted by the man was an extravagant, high class one.

The house was large and modern, geometric shapes formed the outside, and many windows were carved into the walls. One could peer in and already see the people partying.

"Let's go!" Feli squeaked, already running to meet up with Ludwig.

"I'm coming! God damn it stop running! Feliciano you idiota!"

It took a good minute to catch up with the speedy Italian, but Lovino managed anyways. They moved inside, easily slipping into the crowd. It was more like a club than anything, Lovino observed, with black lights, a DJ and such. Drinks were served, food was provided, and people danced like there was no tomorrow. Hell, people could've mistaken this party for a New Year's event.

At least Alfred's party was still on topic. Instead of heavy beated music with hardly any lyrics pumping through the speakers, Rocking Around the Christmas Tree made a debut. Feliciano was still tugging and dragging Lovino wherever he was going, and Lovi tried very hard to stop him.

"Stop it already!" Lovino shouted loudly, yanking Feliciano back.

"Ve...! But Ludwig's right over there and I want to see him! Please?" the pleading eyes sparkled and glimmered. At this point, the elder of the two was debating whether to fall into the "cute" trap or puke. He'd do both.

"Fucking hell, go ahead and visit with your sad excuse for a potato bastard but don't bring me! I'm going over to get some drinks at that...holy fuck he has a bar," Lovino mused, already walking towards the area. It took some pushing and shoving, but with a little effort (that effort being, "Get the fuck out of the way, you bitches") he was able to plop down on one of the bar stools.

"And what do you want to drink?" the bartender asked.

Lovino looked up, meeting-oh my God they were gigantic! And that poor man! Caterpillars were devouring his eyebrows...wait...oh they were his eyebrows.

"Um...give me a tequila," Lovino blurted, still trying to figure out how such a mass of hair could have collected in such a small place...

The blonde nodded and swerved around to get the drink. He slid the glass over and began to speak to another guest.

Lovino drank a good gulp of his alcohol, before slamming the glass down.

"Hey there, Lovino!" a happy voice chimed in. He lazily looked behind him.

"Oh hey, Bella," Lovino greeted, his tone dull.

Bella sat herself upon the stool next to him, and smoothed out her skirt. She had hair that draped down to her chin, wavy and blonde. Brilliant green eyes rested in her sockets her mouth upturned into a smile that any straight man would fall for.

He stared at her in the eyes, prejudicial opinions deciding this night would suck balls.

"What's with that look?" she wondered, pouting.

He didn't answer immediately.

"You know...the normal."

Bella took a moment to study that solemn face... Oh.

"Oh...I see...still nothing...?" she ventured cautiously into the subject.

Lovino nodded, "Yeah."

"How long has it been anyways?"

"Since he stopped writing? Or since...he first left...?"

"The second one."

Patiently, the Belgian girl waited for an answer, knowing how raw the subject still was. She placed some hair behind her ear, searching for anything in his expressions that would reassure her Lovino was okay. After all, she could read him like a book. Knowing people for 10 years does that to you.

After some pensive thinking, the Italian decided to spew his heart out once again.

"Three years exactly," he began, "...It was Christmas Eve like it is now...and Toni-Antonio and I were just...sitting like we are now, only we were at home. It was...such short notice, Bella...I don't even remember it that well...but...men came to our house. Two men, in black suits. One with a scar...and they said Antonio needed to be deployed that night. They were extremely short on men for this mission overseas, and Antonio just happened to pop up on the list as one of their recruits."

Lovino took another long drink of his tequila, finishing it off. Hopefully, the alcohol would drown his pain. Hopefully, the drink would completely extinguish the awful memories. Lovino remembered...being heart-broken, while Antonio packed lightly for his duty.

"_Antonio...you can't go...!" Lovino angrily cried._

"_I have to, Lovi," Antonio shot back evenly. _

"_No you don't!"_

"_**Yes! I do!**" _

_An awkward silence followed..._

"_...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell..."_

_Lovino shook his head, unwilling to accept this turn of events. They were so happy just the way they were. Why did the government have to ruin it?_

"_...You just got home though..." _

"_...I know."_

Lovino grabbed another alcoholic beverage. His mind was in a haze.

"He hadn't come home since. For two years we had such great contact, Bella! Always writing and emailing each other! But the last 6 months...nothing...God..I'm just so...and it was so sudden. Like-like in an instant he decided, 'Oh! I guess I'm not going to write Lovino anymore!'"

Lovino was already wiping away oncoming tears.

"I'm so scared..." he whispered finally.

Scared...Lovino wasn't used to being scared without Antonio. It was a very intimidating feeling, having no backup support.

Bella sighed, her heart aching with Lovino's. She too was a great friend of the Spaniard, and understood how hard life was without him. Always Fusosososoing and tomato-eating and...it was just so difficult not to be around that kind of bubbly atmosphere. It was as if their foundation had crumbled, their rock smashed to oblivion.

Bella opened her mouth to say something, but was immediately beaten.

"Yo! Look at what the cat dragged in! Totally awesome," Gilbert almost gloated, wrapping slamming his hand against Lovino's back. Unprepared, Lovino cried out, but then quickly hushed when he realized who it was. Which was very easy to do, as the strong aroma of imported beer filled his nostrils. His hand formed into a fist, before slugging the stomach of the albino man with scarlet red eyes. Gilbert wheezed.

"Fucking hell, Gilbert!"

"Ow! That was totally not awesome!" Gilbert spat. He rubbed where the attack had inflicted him.

"Too bad, bastard."

Another person appeared with a crystal glass full to the brim with champagne. His dazzling blue eyes sparkled.

"Now, now! We're going to open presents soon. We want Gilbert to be healthy so he can open his 'awesome' present..." Francis smiled, leaning in to an uncomfortable distance.

Bella pushed him with her foot a bit, "Shoo."

Ignoring the pursuing Frenchman, Lovino returned his attention to said Prussian, not German.

"Now what's this about presents? Why are you talking to me, fucker?"

"_For your information, Mr. Smartass_, we just happen to have a surprise for a bitch like you," Prussia frowned, disproving of the attitude towards him.

Lovino scoffed, "You wish."

"No really, mon cher! We have an extrordinarily marvelous gift for someone like you," Francis purred, nibbling Lovino's lobe, "You'll love it..."

The victim of Francis's assult froze, his body stiffening and his curl twitching in fear. Bella took this opportunity to then heel him in the face. Her leg thrust forward and stabbed him right in the jaw.

Stilettos. Oh dear.

Francis stumbled backwards, sputtering, "Bella! Mon dieu!"

"Don't you remember? Just because Antonio isn't here doesn't mean you can walk all over his cute tomato!" Bella smiled, venom seeping through her words.

The humiliation! Lovino buried his face in his arms, muttering and cursing about how all these ridiculous people were just being stupid and didn't know what they were talking about.

However...a certain sentence had caught his attention like a fly to honey.

_Just because Antonio isn't here..._

She was completely right. Antonio wasn't there. He wasn't by Lovino's side, protecting him from the predatory gaze of Francis. Antonio wasn't there, cuddling him and kissing him. Antonio was not there for and with Lovino...and it stung. It stung so badly, to know Antonio had missed three long years of his life back home. Without his close friends, without his tomatoes, without...everyone. Without Lovino.

This happened each fucking year, Lovino cursed himself, every year Lovino would have The Dream, and each year he would sulk in his own mind, praying Antonio would come home to him safe, and unharmed in any way, shape or form.

He didn't want this anymore. He couldn't stand it anymore... He couldn't stand this isolation.

The party continued, Lovino stationed almost permanently at Alfred's bar.

"Say...they're about to open the first present for Christmas Eve," Arthur, the caterpillar-eyebrow-man pointed out.

"Big whoop, scone sucker," Lovino rolled his tired green eyes, wanting so badly to just fall asleep.

Lovino played with his empty glass (which had been filled about five times prior), listening to the music that barely met his ears.

_I'll be home...for Christmas-_

_You can plan~ on me..._

_Please have snow and mistletoe_

_And presents on the tree_

He squeezed his eyes, trying to dismiss tears that were welling in his sockets. Unfortunately for him, one dripped down his cheek. Fucking hell! Why did he have to cry so much? Why couldn't his emotions extort themselves out of his mind a different way!

"Hey!" a booming voice cried, "You're one lucky dude, bro!"

Alfred shoved Lovino off the bar stool.

"You get the first present!" the American's wide blue eyes seemed to seep into his soul...

"Give it to someone else," Lovino demanded, ripping his arm away from the tight grasp.

"No. It's yours."

"No it's not!"

"Yes! It is!"

"No it's-_just shut up!_"

Childishly, Lovino pouted, and crossed his arms. No way he was accepting some dumbass gift from these idiots. He wouldn't accept it if it was the last thing he did. For all he knew, it was some sort of degrading gift. Like-like a tomato suit or something! Something absolutely retarded!

"Fine...have it your way, we're still watching you receive it though," Alfred smiled, "after all, it wouldn't be heroic if-"

"_You?_ Heroic! You didn't fucking go all the way across the sea on a military mission and risk your life for your country! You are not heroic! Antonio is!" Lovino snapped, "I've had enough of this shit!"-heads began to turn-"It's been three years since I've seen that damn tomato bastard! Three years! All you guys act as if he never existed or something! I'm tired of it! Stop inviting me to these parties, and just leave me alone!"

He knew it was immature, but Lovino decided to run. He ran and ran through the crowd, bumping and shoving people out of his way until he ran into something almost rock hard.

"Excuse me?"

That voice...

Lovino's head shot up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't want to be here, otherwise I would've just gone home~!"

At an instant, olive green eyes were dashing across the features of the man before him. Soaking up everything they saw...remembering them.

Those beautiful green emeralds for eyes...those chocolaty brown curly locks...the sun kissed skin...

The sweet, sentimental smile that sent Lovino into cardiac arrest every time it was aimed just at him...

The uniform was clean and looking brand new. His stark white hat fitting perfectly on his head. The navy blue uniform suiting his figure well, hugging his waist... Lovino swallowed, blinking multiple times. His mouth became parched and dry, while his palms decided to be sticky and sweaty.

This...him...was it...?

Words were stuck in his throat. For God's sake the words hadn't even developed in his brain yet. But he knew...oh how he knew...

Antonio smiled gently, lifting Lovino off his feet, pressing their bodies together. His eyes were coated in a new layer of salty tears. For the longest time, after three years of separation, the two gazed into each other's eyes. The feeling was so surreal. His heart fluttered. However, Lovino felt as though he needed to brace himself for the real impact...that this definitely was _not_ Antonio. He wanted to be completely prepared for the most painful thing of this situation.

Deception.

That the universe had deceived him and that this was just an Antonio impersonation of sorts...!

But no. This wasn't deception. It wasn't a lie. Antonio was holding him, looking at him and only him.

"Lovino..."

Hesitantly, cautiously, Lovino's hand found itself caressing his face. His finer-pads running down the smooth surface of the Spaniard's jaw. He blinked a few times, tears softly pelting Antonio's cheeks. His eyes squinted, as his lips began to tremble.

"Antonio..." he squeaked out.

Shakily, his arms began to snake around his soldier's neck.

"Antonio!"

"I'm home for Christmas, Lovi," and with that, Antonio pressed his lips aggressively Lovino's. Lovino accepted without any thought at all.

He pulled Antonio in, wrapping his legs around that muscular waist, and kissed him. His hands tossed the formal hat aside, fisting hungrily at the silky locks. Their lips shakily pressed against each other, almost acting as if they were inexperienced. Tongues danced and swirled, teeth clashed against each other. Their pants escaped their lips with no restrain. Trying to become familiar again with all the touches and caresses was so energetic. Their emotions shot through their veins, accompanying the rush of adrenaline that pumped through their system.

Love, fear, anger, hurt, grief, relief...everything and absolutely everything pounded their soul and bodies. Their kiss was sloppy still, but it was almost as if they were trying to make up the lost years in five seconds. Just to be able to _feel_ the heat of the other's body was too much for them to bare.

"Antonio!" Lovino whispered between breaths, "Antonio!"

"I'm here..." Antonio gulped down oxygen.

Never had they hated their lungs so much. Lovino began to feel Antonio begin to yank off his shirt.

"_Ahem!_"

The two immediately ceased. They reluctantly took their eyes off each other.

Oh...when did all these people get in here?

Lovino, his cheeks about twenty different shades of red, trembled as he scanned the awkward crowd before them. Antonio was still clutching his small lover, trying to find the owner of the obviously angered voice.

"Dude, it's about damn time you stopped eating each other's faces," Alfred accused.

Gilbert and Francis were smiling like the idiots they were, completely infatuated with their best friend's homecoming kiss. Antonio slowly let Lovino slide back down onto the ground.

"Lo siento, it's just I've been away for three years over in another country unable to see my dear Lovino," Antonio smiled, sarcasm lacing his words.

"Whatever, bro, just do it somewhere else."

Lovino hid his face by staring at the shiny tile below. His hand was clenching Antonio's, finally being able to have that support he had missed so much. That reassuring squeeze...oh God...how delightful.

Bella ran over, finally being able to lightly hug one of her best friends, "Have fun tonight, you two~!"

The sing song tone caused Antonio to laugh.

People watched as the two walked away from the party, hand in hand. Feliciano and Ludwig said their welcome homes on their way out.

Others said their little happy things here and there, but none of it really meant too much to the Marine. Words just couldn't describe his happiness right then...

But let's see if we could try.

It was Christmas Eve. Antonio had been Lovino deprived for three years, and now, he was back. He could now cherish his Italian like never before.

He had finally made it home for Christmas.

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><p><strong>OH MY DEAR GOD IT'S DONE.<strong>

**real quick, dont ask why everyone is in america. it just makes writing this fic easier, kay? **

**Now...Let me tell you, it was a bitch writing this. I could not come up with a plot for days. Then this popped up. I feel so overwhelmed with my homelife, that it has effected my writing greatly. I didn't really revise it too much...maybe a few words/sentences here or there...but nothing too major.  
>I'm sorry to say this dragged on so long. But I wanted to take my time on it and this is what I got... But I guess Christmas deserves a special long descriptive (haha you're funny tc) fanfic. there's so many things wrong with this i believe. just...plot...dragging on...description. but hey, i fixed the wastewaist problem! :D **

**Sad excuse for a fanfiction (im sorry i say that too much)**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 2011! **

**-TC**

**P.S-if you have any plots for me, please tell me so i can write one for you. i have an idea in mind, but my writing is in such a block right now. im trying so hard to escape it. **


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